Part III: A happy ending

This is part 3 of my correspondence with "Miss Debora Johnson" and her attorney "Barrister John Ali" of Senegal, despereately attempting to get me to wire $1,300.00 to them in Senegal.

You can read part 1 here.

You can read part 2 here.

When we last left off, the good Barrister was trying to have me wire him $1,300.00 in fees to arrange a power of attorney for the lovely refugee "Miss Debora" (who would ultimately give me $5.7 million) - which of course would have only been the start until they bled my bank account dry (had I fallen for this, the joke would have ultimately been on them as I am very poor).

However, I decided to string them along for a while. I had already given the barrister a fake Western Union receipt number. After his first trip to the local Western Union, the Barrister sent me this....(notice how his correspondence is in all caps now, as he is getting a bit more agitated with me)

---------
To: Phil
From: Barrister John Ali

HELLO MR PHIL
I JUST RECEIVE THE INFORMATION ON YOU USE TO SEND THE MONEY.I WENT TO WESTERN UNION OFFICE THIS EVENING TO RECEIVE THE MONEY.THEY SAID THAT THE NUMBER IS NOT CORRECT.I WANT YOU TO SCAN THE PAYMENT SLIP AND SEND IT TO ME IMMEDIATELY SO THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO RECEIVE THE MONEY.I WAIT FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY.
BAR JOHN ALI.


To: Barrister John Ali
From: Phil

I am very sorry - it's possible I wrote the wrong number but I will double check.

Right now I am BACK at the movie seeing "Puss & Boots" for the 3rd time (it is a ridiculously entertaining movie - I find myself catching new things in it even after 2 other viewings - highly recommended!).

I do not have a scanner, though? My guess is I just typed a wrong number so I'll check as soon as I get back to make sure.

Sorry again,
Phil

To: Phil
From: Barrister John Ali

HELLO MR PHIL.
I JUST WANT YOU TO TRY AND SCAN THE PAYMENT SLIP AND SEND IT TO ME.IF YOU DON'T HAVE SCANNING MACHINE TRY AND FINE A PLACE AND SCAN THE PAYMENT SLIP AND SEND IT TO ME.I WAIT FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY.BAR JOHN.

To: Barrister John Ali
From: Phil

If you want, I am 99% positive I wrote the wrong number - it is 7693626589 I had mistakenly wrote two "8"s at the end of the sequence.

To: Phil
From: Barrister John Ali

HELLO MR PHIL.I TOLD YOU TO SCAN THE PAYMENT SLIP AND SEND IT TO ME.WITHOUT THE PAYMENT SLIP I CANT RECEIVE THE MONEY HERE.TRY AND SEE WHERE TO SCAN THE PAYMENT SLIP AND SEND IT TO ME.BEACUSE I WENT TO WESTERN UNION THEY SAID THAT THE NUMBER IS WRONG.BAR JOHN.

(I've now gotten him to make 2 trips to the Western Union)

To: Barrister John Ali
From: Phil

The new number or the old (wrong) number? I will do as you ask if you insist - I am going to a movie first as I bought tickets already (guess which one?) and after that I will see where they will scan the Western Union receipt.

Phil

To: Phil
From: Barrister John Ali

HELLO MR PHIL.THE TWO NUMBERS IS NOT CORRECT.TRY AND SCAN THE PAYMENT SLIP AND IT TO ME

To: Barrister John Ali
From: Phil

I've been walking around all night trying to find a place to scan my slip. Where do I go????????

To: Phil
From: Barrister John Ali

DONT YOU EVER PLAY WITH ME.I AM NOT A KIDS TO YOU.STOP PLAYIN WITH ME OR ELSE YOU WILL REGREAT T.

To: Barrister John Ali
From: Phil

I am NOT playing with you!! I AM NOT GOOD WITH TECHNOLOGY! I AM SORRY. I just bought a computer a week ago!!!!!!!! It's not my fault I am not familiar with all of this. I am only thinking of helping Miss Debora!! Maybe if you stop thinking of yourself and your precious money!!!!!!!! Why can't I just mail you a check like normal people!?

At this point, Miss Debora decides to intercede in my little dispute with the good Barrister. I have decided "regreat" is much better than "regret"!

To: Phil
From: Debora Johnson

why you have not send the payment slip?what happen?are you sure you send the money or you are just playing with me.

To: Debora Johnson
From: Phil

Miss Debora,

I have become saddened by this "barrister" john ali. He is being a jerk, and frankly I do not think he is looking out for your best interests.

Just because I have never sent anything by Western Union, or own a "scanner", he is talking in all caps and being generally mean.

I want to help you but I question the barrister's handling of all this in such an unprofessional manner.

Phil

To: Phil
From: Debora Johnson

Dear why did you send wrong number to the lawyer?that is the reason why the lawyer is not happy with you.i talk you send the money through western union why can't you scan the payment slip and send it to the lawyer.or you send the correct information so that the lawyer will receive the money.i don't believe you can do this to me.Please if you are ready to help me just send the money to the lawyer.

To: Debora Johnson
From: Phil

There are many numbers on the slip and I read it wrong, and am not certain he even tried the corrected number....I want to help but the Barrister is a "progress barrier", in my mind.

I must confess something to you Miss Debora - I am a lonely man. I am intrigued by your plight and desperately want to help you. I must ask you a very forward question and I hope you do not get offended. Will we ever make love? I would like to know that there is a future between us, and that it will involve passionate lovemaking that you so deserve.

I will do my best to get the payment scanned, which is not something I am familiar with but I know I am behind the times.

Fondly, Phil

To: Phil
From: Debora Johnson

Hello My Beloved Darling.Good morning to you. How was your sleep last night? I believe you have a wonderful sleep. It’s mine pleasure to know how you are doing over there. I believe God is at work in your life.

Darling I just read your mail this morning as I can understand what you mean. Darling i want to come and make love with you that is why i ask you to help me out from here so that i will join you over there. I am really hungry to see you in person.

What you have to do is to send the money you promise to send the so that the lawyer will prepare the document for me to join you over there.you are to send the MTCN________Amount___________Question________Answer_______and the name of the sender and the name of the receiver. try and send it immediately. just look well on the slip you will see those things.

I wait for your mail. your in love Debora.

Now for a classy response...

To: Debora Johnson
From: Phil

I can't wait to 'meat' you. I am breaking the record right now thinking about you. When I am finished pleasuring myself 13 times to the thought of your chocolate sweetness, I will go get the information.

Phil

To: Phil
From: Debora Johnson

Dear i am waiting for you to send the information so that the lawyer will go and receive the money.i wait for your mail.

To: Debora Johnson
From: Phil

Miss Debora, I am embarrassed to say that pleasured myself 13 times at the promise of your love making and now the Western Union receipt is covered with semen (and unreadable).

I am sorry.

Phil

To: Phil
From: Debora Johnson

you bastard don't you ever contact me again. f*ck you and your mother.

To: Debora Johnson
From: Phil

I love it when you talk dirty.

God I Love Wal-Mart

This past Friday afternoon I was traveling through Alabaster, Alabama on my way to visit and hunt with my Dad. 

I stopped at the local Wal-Mart to pick up some fixins for the weekend and witnessed a short encounter between an Auburn and Alabama fan. 

Now, if you are a part of either of these two fan bases, you are quite aware that "War Eagle" and "Roll Tide" are exchanged on a frequent basis...especially during football season - and for ANY reason. 

I had made my way to the register and a woman in her mid fifties was almost through checking out.  A man in his mid thirties was behind her, and then me. 

As I waited my turn I overheard the gentleman in front of me exclaim "Roll Tide Roll!"  I looked up to see the reason for his fanhood and noticed that the woman in front of him was purchasing an Auburn towel. 

I knew immediately that the woman was going to have her rebuttal heard.  She turned to the man behind her, stared him down for what seemed like 30 seconds, gathered her thoughts and then spoke out. 

"I think it's about time you grew up."

Add this to the ever growing list of why I love Wal-mart

Correspondence with a Refugee (continued)

To pick up where we left off, the Sweet Miss Debora was having a terrible time in her refugee camp (in between visiting the beach and the zoo), and needed my help. In exchange, I will be the recipient of her late father's 5.7 million dollars.

The other shoe (or 'sandal'? What do they wear in refugee camps?) was about to drop, I sensed....

--------
From: Royal Bank
To: Phil
Subject: TRANSFER DEPARTMENT

The Royal Bank of Scotland plc, Registered In Scot Land No 45551.Office In UK No ..3 6 St. Andrew Square Edinburgh H22YB.

Sir.
I have been directed by the director of Foreign Operation/Wire Transfer to write you in respect of your partner mail we received in our bank here in Scotland. Actually, we have earlier been told about you by the young lady Miss Debora Johnson that she wishes you to be her trustee/representative for the claim of her late father's funds deposit with our bank. Late Dr. Philip Johnson is our late customer with account no. AJ745008901546/CB/91/A Substantial amount (US$5,700,000.00) of deposit with us. Hence you have been really appointed as a trustee to represent the next of Kin. However before our bank will transact any business concerning the transfer of the fund with you; we will like you to send the followings: 1. A notarized Power of Attorney from a Senegalese resident lawyer permitting you to claim the said fund on her behalf.

2. The death certificate of late Dr.Philip Johnson her deceased father confirming the death.

3. Affidavit of Support from Senegal High court of Justice where she is residing, to prove the authentication of the power of attorney.

4. A copy of the Deposit Certificate of Dr. Philip Johnson given by our bank (ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND ). London.

Note: The above mentioned documents are compulsory and are needed to protect our Interest, yours, the next of kin after the claims. When you get all these documents both from high court and the power of attorney, Then, The original copies of the four required documents should be submitted to our office. These shall also ensure that a smooth, quick and successful transfer of the fund is made. Processing and transferring of Funds to your nominated locations/accounts shall commence as soon as we receive the above mentioned documents. We promise to give our customers the best of our services. Should you have any questions, contact the Funds Transfer Department Director, for more directives/clarifications.

Note: The attachment is the original copy of the Acknowledgment/Procedure.

Yours FaithfullyMrs Aileen Taylor(Foreign/Wire Transfer Officer),(For payment Dept.) Regards.0044703183102, 00447031830406 . Royal bank of Scotland Groups Plc. 6/12/2010 ( RBS ) Registered in Scotland Number SC327000 Registered office: The Mound, Edinburgh EH1 1YZ. Authorized and regulated by Financial Services Authority.

From: Phil
To: Royal Ban

How the f---k am I supposed to get all that?

Thankfully, my sweet princess has stepped in to save the day with the contact of an attorney, "Barrister John Ali"....

From: Debora Johnson

To: Phil

My Dearest one,
How are you doing this lovely evening?

I believe you are doing well.God will bless and reward you for effort you are makingto see me out from this situation I found myself due to the death of my parents.I just received an email from the bank which was equally copied to you about the requirements of transferring my money to your position.
My dear from the demands of the bank I have the death certificate and statement of account of my late father with me.The only problem we have now is the power of attorney which the bank said that it must be prepared by a Senegal lawyer. I discussed this problem with Rev and he gave me the contact of this lawyer Barrister John Ali He is a lawyer working here with the united nations and I will like you to send him an email immediately about preparing a power of attorney on your name so that the bank will transfer my money to your position for a better life.His contact are as follows,Barrister John Ali Email address (baristerjohnalilaw@hotmail.com)Tel 00221-768481433

Please make sure you send an email to him today.

Your Debora.

I didn't respond for a few days - Miss Debora emails back:

My Dearest one,
How are you today?. I believe you are fine.

My Dear I am doing well with all hopes to join you for a better life immediately after the transfer of my money to your account for a better life with you.God will bless and reward you for every effort you are making to help me come out from this prison called refugee camp..

My dear I went to the lawyer’s office to know if the power of attorney is ready so that I can sign it for the bank to transfer my money to your position. He maintained that a sum total of 1300 US Dollars must be paid as his charges before he will prepare the power of attorney for us. My dear please I know that this money is very big but I am pleading that youshould help me to pay the lawyer this money as you will get your money immediately after transfer plus 20% of the total sum for your wonderful assistance.
As you are aware that it is just this power of attorney that is delaying the transfer of my money to your position. As soon as this is prepared the bank will transfer my money to your position for me to come over to meet with you for the rest of my life. God bless you as you help me out from this situation.

Your Debora.

From: Phil

It is no problem! I was just at the movies (Puss & Boots - thumbs up!)

Question: How does Western Union know where to send the money? Does it work like Pony Express?

thanks, Phil

After a lengthy explanation of how Western Union works, it was on to the Good Barrister...

JOHN ALI & ASSOCIATE

Legal Practitioners.No 102 AIR PORT ROAD(second floor) . Republic Du Senegal
Tel: +221771059074 (mobile line)REF File; NO.: XX137GSCBK

For Your Attention Sir.

Sequel to the demand on how to prepare a power of attorney for you and your partner Miss Debora JohnsonYour partner Miss Debora was in my office with Rev to discuss about the issuing to you an authorization letter that will enable you stand on her behalf to transfer her money from ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND to your account in your country or elsewhere.

Prior to my enquirers from the bank and high court, I understand from the bank that there are three documents required by them before the transfer of the money to you. 1.A copy of Death certificate of Dr Johnson2.A copy of His Statement of account.(WHICH I HAVE SEND TO THE BANK IN SCOTLAND).and I have attach it to you.It is now remaining one document.Which is power of attorney which will enable the Bank to deal with you on behalf of your partner? From my enquirers, it will cost the sum of 500 US dollars for re authentication of the power of attorney at the high court before it becomes valid and 100 US dollars for notary stamping at the notary republic My legal processing fee of 200 US dollars and 500 US dollars for our consultation fee.total (1300 US dollars)

To speedy the process you are to send your full name and address as you want it to appear on the document and the 1300 US dollars to me paid today through western union money transfer system. (Which is the fastest way of sending money to enable my noble office prepare and validate the power of attorney here in the high court and notary republic respectively.You are to send the 1300 US dollars with my name Dr John Ali Name_____ John AliAddress______102 Airport Road Dakar SenegalSend or call me for the information as soon as you send the money to enable my chambers collect the money from western union local office here.

Yours sincerely in service,Barrister John Ali(Principal Partner).........................(ESQ)

Well I definitely want to "speedy the process" - he also attached a death certificate to the email.

From: Phil

To: Barrister John Ali

I defenitely want to speedy the process and am sending the money just as soon as I go see the new movie "Puss & Boots" and will then go to the Western Union immediately after.
Phil

The Barrister is getting a little more urgent now - an email in all caps

HELLO MR PHIL.HOW ARE YOU TODAY?IN RESPECT TO THE EMAIL WHICH I RECEIVE FROM YOU TODAY I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THE MONEY I REQUESTED FOR THE DOCUMENT.I WANT YOU TO GO AND SEND THE MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM WITH THE NAME I GIVE YOU.REMEMBER TO SEND THE INFORMATION IMMEDIATELY YOU SEND THE MONEY.AND YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU WANT IT TO APPEAR ON THE POWER OF ATTORNEY.YOU ARE TO SEND YOUR NAME YOUR ADDRESS AND YOUR PHONE NUMBER.I WAIT FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY.BAR JOHN.

From: Phil

To: Barrister John Ali

Hello Barrister Ali - I am doing well. I understand now about the money and sorry for the delay but I was at the movies.

I have visited the Western Union and have wired the money. The claim number is 7693626588. Thank You.

Please put the Power of Attorney in my name:

Philemon P. Braun, 666 Croesus DriveCharleston, South Carolina 29401

I unfortunately do not have a working phone at the moment as I accidentally dropped it in the toilet at the movie theater, and am in the process of obtaining a new one.

Thanks, Phil

Naturally, I have given him a fake Western Union claim number - we'll see how patient he is, and how many trips to the Western Union he is willing to make.....