Rocky Mountain Oysters

To piggyback on my brother-in-laws trouble on the mountains out west, I’d like to share another chronicle that occurred during that same trip.

My father-in-law enjoyed the finer things in life and could be heard frequently saying, “It only costs a little bit more to go first class.”

We all agreed whole-heartedly with this saying as he was footing the bill. 

From high-end lodging, top of the line ski goggles, gloves, boots, coats, etc, it could be said that he spared no expense – Except when purchasing thermal under garments.

As always, our wives father was the last one to return from skiing, as well as the first one out the door in the morning.  I’m still convinced that he was camped out at the bar the majority of the day, but he took joy in bragging about logging the most hours on the slopes, so we remained quiet.

When he returned from the slopes, the rest of the family had already showered, changed and downed the evening’s first cocktail.  We all were gathered around the kitchen table playing cards when he finally struts into the room.

Instead of heading upstairs to his bedroom to change, he decided that the family room was a sufficient disrobing area. There he stood, a man in his early 60’s, actually taking his pants off in front of his 3 adult daughters and 3 son-in-laws.

We did our best to ignore the impending disaster until he eliminated any chance of avoidance. He was all but naked when he propped his leg up on the kitchen table bench that my wife was sitting on.

“What ya‘ll playing?”

My wife turned beet red before shielding her eyes behind her playing cards.

Nobody answered.

There he stood, elbow on bent knee, wearing white thermal underwear that he may have used when he was a boy scout. They were so worn out, they might classify better as fishnet stockings.

My wife, still sitting in terror and disbelief, as her father, a 6’5, 300lb bear, had his meat hammock displayed proudly for all of us to see.

As it turns out, our father-in-law could brag on more than just hours spent on the slopes.