"Compound Hades"

Back in April, my wife and I sold our home and began a lengthy transition period while we searched for our next abode.  During this process, we weighed to pros and cons of renting a home while we made a decision on our next location, but in our infinite financial wisdom, we decided to encroach on the generosity of my Mother-in-law and live underneath her roof for the next 67 Days.

Once the sale was completed on our current home, my wife and I, along with our 3 month old twin boys and two large dogs, began the first day of our self imposed incarceration at what we now jokingly call "Compound Hades". 

Before we move on, let's get a little more clarity on who all now resides in the lair:

(3) Adults – Me, my wife, and my Mother-in-law

(2) 3 Month Old Twin Boys – Walker and Texas Ranger

(3) Large dogs, 2 belong to me and 1 to my Mother-in-law.  While my dogs may not be the best behaved canines in the land, the creature that roams the grounds belonging to the warden (We’ll call him “Alan” from here on out), may be the dumbest animal on the planet.  The extent of Alan’s discipline, whether it is to deter him from eating razorblades, chewing through my children’s blankets and clothes, or digging an actual hole in the living room floor, is a loud and repeating chant of his name… “ALAN! ALAN! ALAN!”  Let me tell you, if you want to get a dog to behave, just yell his name 457 times in a row…that’ll show him. Alan is also my Lab’s gay lover – both males – both humping fools, much to the chagrin of the warden as she believes that the excessive doggy-style will actually break Alan’s back.

We had it all worked out.  We would stay in the basement of the compound, granting us the privacy that every wedded couple should enjoy, as well as keeping our distance from the warden and allowing said gatekeeper to continue with her daily routine without our interruption.  The warden, for some reason or another, did not agree that the basement was the appropriate place for us to lay our heads and that we would be required to make camp across the hall from her, upstairs.

Come to find out, this was best for the twins because there was mold in the basement.  At this moment I knew I would be a great father.  I willingly placed myself in harms way by leaving the seclusion of Cerberus’s bowels and meandered upstairs for the health of my children.

Listen, I understand that we were not the only ones put in a difficult situation by moving in, and quite honestly, I am a horrible roommate so I completely agree that the warden’s life was turned upside down as well.  I just keep my sanity by writing…so I kept a brief journal every couple of weeks. 

Here is an excerpt:

Day 13: Compound Hades – We are weakening by the hour, not from lack of food, but from the unrelenting Jedi mind tricks fired by the Dark Lord.  Any attempts to ignore said onslaughts only anger the warden and lead to an increased level of verbal abuse.  Even in my sleep I hear the religious chant of the gatekeeper, “ALAN! ALAN! ALAN!”.  The other inmates have taken recluse in the vast corners of the compounds underbelly, but with responsibilities to my family, I must remain above ground to support them…in the lions den.  Any attempts to escape are too risky at the moment and invitations to visit the outside world are rejected without providing passage for all the inmates – 56 more days.

More to come…